Friday, June 1, 2012

an error in judgment

The next morning, it was time to start working on Adelaide's toddler skills.




She took to potty training immediately, which was wonderful.


So we moved onto talking...


...and walking. And right after she'd taken her first steps, Hal invited us over. I knew better than to say yes, but with my daughter there, what was the worst that could happen? Right?





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All I can say is with Addie tucked up asleep on the couch, one thing led to another and the hormones took over. It's a cop out (no pun intended), but I felt powerless.


And I would have been a fool to say no to this.


After we moved to the bedroom, I had a severe case of buyer's remorse. What had I done? This was a mistake.

I needed to come clean. I liked Hal too much. He was too good a friend, and I really didn't want to lose him. Though I probably already had.


"There's something you need to know about me, Hal."

"If this is about the fact you're the last Palooza and you signed a contract and have to have 100 kids, I know all about it."

My jaw dropped. "But, but... it's a secret. I'm not supposed to tell anyone. I..."

"Now it's my turn to tell the truth," he said quietly. "I did some research of my own, Lola. I should have trusted you, but you're new here. No one knows you, you call yourself a Palooza when your great uncle was supposedly the very last... and you were barely here five minutes before you turned up pregnant to Cullen Whitmore. We protect our own in Riverview, you know? I hope you'll forgive me."

It hit me then, like a brick to the chest. "You mean all this, it was just a farce? You were checking on me for Cullen? That bastard who can't even take five minutes to phone his daughter?" I took a step back. My eyes prickled. I was a fool. So, so stupid! "This makes you no better than he is. I can't believe I was starting to fall for you!"

"Lola, no, of course not! To start with, yes. And then I... ahh... I started to, um, feel something for you, too. Don't you get it?"

"What's there to get?" I spat. "This was a mistake. I'm leaving."

"Lola, wait! What's to get is that I know and I don't care. I had a friend get me a copy of the contract. I know everything. I know that you can't get married. I know that I'd never see a cent of the money you stand to inherit. I know I'll have to grow old and you won't, and I know I can't father your children, and that you'll have to find others who can, and I don't care. I've never felt this way about another sim, and I think you feel the same. I know it's fast, and maybe it's stupid. But I'd be stupid if I let you go."

I was dumbfounded, rooted to the spot, unable to say a thing as my mind churned with the what-ifs. My heart begged me to give it a chance, to give Hal a chance, but my head was logical. I couldn't do that. I couldn't watch the man I loved age when I didn't age a day. I couldn't watch him pretend to be okay with the one night stands I'd have with half of Riverview's eligible men and have to deal with the town laughing behind his back.

Finally I found my footing, picked up my sleeping daughter, and walked to the door.

"I know you think it could work, Hal, but I can't risk my heart like that, let alone yours. If we can continue to be friends, I'd like that, but if it's too hard, I can't blame you. It won't be easy. You know where to find me."

And with that, I went home and sobbed myself to sleep after vowing I'd never allow feelings to get involved again.

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The next morning, for the sake of my daughter, I painted a smile on my face and pretended all was right with the world. How I wished I could take last night back. But even if I had the ability to prevent aging, I had no way to turn back time.


I worked in the garden while Addie played nearby, and tried not to show my devastation. Hal hadn't called, and I knew he wouldn't. Maybe it was for the best. After all, I had to scout out another baby daddy, and I didn't know how I'd face Hal, knowing every time he saw me I'd have been with another guy that was not him.

I took Addie fishing at dusk. She was thrilled to play in the sand while I caught fish to use as fertilizer. I'd timed it perfectly, reeling in fish after fish, until suddenly I was overcome by a bout of nausea so strong that I threw up right there.

I took Addie home, telling myself it was just food poisoning. That leftover salad had looked a little funky.


 But the next morning, there was no denying it. Hal was baby daddy #2, whether I liked it or not.


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