a proposal and a vow

Addie came home raving about her field trip to tour the mausoleum. "And ewww, Mom, you'll never believe this, but there were two teenagers kissing in the catacombs! Gross!"

I just smiled and ruffled her hair. Soon enough she'd think boys were not so gross and annoying. I stopped that train of thought right there. She was growing up way too fast already. "I tried a new recipe for cookies while the babies were napping. Start your homework and I'll get you a plate."

I had spent the day going stir crazy, trying to work on teaching Arden, August, and Aurelia how to talk, walk and potty.

Talking and walking had been a success, but potty training? Not so much. I'd been battling second trimester nausea all day, and my stomach just wasn't strong enough to withstand the distracted toddlers and their accidents. So potty training would have to wait for another day. Preferably tomorrow. The quicker these kids were out of diapers, the sooner my stomach would stop betraying me.

I set the babies in their swings so I could pick up their toys without someone following me around and pulling them all out again. Just as I stared helping Aurelia with her math homework, I had to step outside to take a phone call.

"Lola, it's Cullen. I have a proposal for you."

My finger hovers over the disconnect button. No way, Jose! I am not going back there again.

But no, that's not what he wants. I fight another wave of nausea and struggle to concentrate on his words.

"I need two perfect vegetables for this new recipe I'm working on, and Suzy at the bistro tells me you're the person to see."

I can't help myself. "Well, she's right. But what's in it for me?"

I hear him sigh. "I thought we were past all this bitterness. Water under the bridge and all that."

I bite my tongue so hard it bleeds. Think of Adelaide. Think of Adelaide.

When I don't say anything, he continues. "Cash. I'm sure you could do with the extra money now you have triplets and another on the way."

So news indeed travels fast in Riverview. I let the barb slide. I was only four children into this; the barbs were bound to get worse, and I needed a thicker skin.

"Okay, it's a deal," I told him. What I really wanted to say was You're damn right there'd better be good money in this. Maybe now your daughter can afford that ballet class she's been begging to sign up for.

I ended the call, realizing this was one dilemma I hadn't thought through very well. Wasn't this what I'd wanted? Kids, without the relationship problems or custody issues? Yet a part of me was disappointed that these men were more than happy to donate their genetics with no strings attached. Why didn't any of them care about their children?

My thoughts turned back to Hal. I hadn't heard from him once. Not so much as a phone call to ask how we were doing, or if his babies needed anything.

I headed back inside to start dinner. If this was the way it was going to be, then I'd misjudged him. I'd been right not to fall for his charming proposal, because he wouldn't have just hurt me. He would have hurt my babies.

Better that my children had one parent who loved them to the moon and back than the knowledge their respective fathers were only begrudgingly involved in their lives.

As I stood over the stove stirring the spaghetti, I made a vow. I would never subject my children to the pain and heartache I'd been through as a child. And if that meant never marrying or falling in love, then so be it. My children would be enough.